the begining of my revival

i've promised not to hurt anyone anymore but before that i needed to cut part of my heart out... so that i may help the one i have guarded in the real world...

....Oddy....

she is probably still angered and upset... but that is for the best... i don't deserve such a girl to love me... but i messed up... i waited too long...  i needed to end it sooner... we got too deep... as its said in the "hedgehogs delema " the closer they get more they hurt each other...

i found out what it meant first hand today... on the last day of June, 2011... i had to break up with her...

she was like the fine glow of the sun... i longed for the moon to appear...no the Blood Red Moon of my life...im not sure if she...he.......they are going to show... but i am going to be stronger now for i must continue to live...no... i need to be revived... revived by that Blood Red Moon....

...................................where are you..........

................................

................................

as it seems this savior is actually part of me... so i shall become my own savior... and in doing so i shall be reborn... and will find somewhere i belong...with my friends, my True Friends....

so now i shall be The Crimson Moon Wolf for it is who shall revive me... before its too late... before i lose myself i must Care and Guard Those I Love.......

The forgiveness i shouldent deserve: but Angels forgive

i kept my truth hidden from my friends but have always shown my true self... just not my physical self... so with this i have finally shown myself to these friends that i have held so dear to me... but i feel as though i have betrayed them...

even though i have betrayed them... no scratch that... told them of my true physical self... i was forgiven... now i will not take that for granted of coarse for i have been accepted now..................................... it feels nice

i now will never betray anyone again... i will be more than i ever was... i will... finally become the wolf i so wish to be... one of love and truth... i feel this is my turning point... for now i Will be there for my friends...

the name of my birth of witch my mother and father have given me..........

is Benjamin Michel Burton....

But from now on i live as Zero, Kiba, Moko, and finally Ouka...

what you call me is up to you.......

for i have no regrets for these names

for they are the names i have been given by my friends

These friends that I love III:better thoughts

I can't remember when i started living in "this" world but that doesn't matter now...

I've brought "Mokoto" up to lv. 27 and finally am able to wear the angelic necklace i so wanted to wear...

"She" can heal wounds and revive the dead...

But "she" can't speak without someone behind her... me...

I've been told i can heal the wounds of the heart... but i can't heal my own...

upon truly meeting Cory and his story i wanted to help heal his heart... of coarse with the help of Alex, who was there for him before i had even known them...

Alex and I will be there for him....

even if he pushes us away, WE WILL BE THERE FOR HIM....

..........................................

.................................

.......just gotta let us in.........

The truth hurts this glass heart

i had finally been able to trust someone....

no... more then just "someone"...

i was able to trust two people...

but... they only knew me as a girl....

i Physically am a boy... but my heart is of a girl...

a more eastern kind of child I've been called before... stuck in the west...

wishing to be accepted by these people...

Alex...Cory...

even if i am not Physically female...

i still love you guys...

so it pains me...

it breaks this glass heart...

that i hurt you...

i never wanted to hurt you guys...never...never...

so please forgive this pathetically sad wolf that you tamed... and loved... and cared for...

for "she" has told you everything about "her"...

for "she" has spoke "her" heart to you...

.... but "she" is a "he"....

                  but he still is the same wolf...

                   so please forgive him.................

These friends that I love II: feeling useless

As i noticed that i could not help much in battle i wished to be able to do so... i felt like a burden...

"Zandos" started using his archer "Makeout_Paradise"... while i was still feeling a little useless...

i was only good at talking with them...

"Maki" (aka "Makeout_Paradise"), and "Angeal-sama" (aka "Angelord").......

Angeal-sama uses a fighter and tended to be very silent but kind...

i eventually learned of why he was this way... A terrible childhood... i cried when i learned of his misfortune... something i thought i was unable to do anymore...cry that is...

i was wrong... i was dead wrong...

i still feel tears welling up whenever i think of it... his story... his childhood...

Eventually I left my mage and went on as "Mokoto_" the cleric...

in doing so i promised myself i would not hurt anyone again...

...i couldn't keep it...

i told these two my secret....

...........i wasn't a girl..........

This Heart of mine

I've been told many times of my "kindness"...

its's only self hatred...

although i act kind to people i still get hurt in the end...

i do what i can still to ease these people of their troubles...

but i'm still unable to confront my... other selves......

for this heart of min is split into 7....

they cause me Grief and Rejection...

nothing but sadness...

but even through all of this...

.....i was accepted .....

i was accepted into this group...

in "Fiesta"... 

by these people that i cannot live without...

My True Self...

The side of me i want to be most apparent in my heart... My Loving side...

Not my self hate...

So these people will always be in this heart of mine... for they helped me...

....they helped me to love myself....

These Friends that I Love

I started an MMORPG because of my boredom...
more like my cowardice...
I chose a Female Mage of the name of "Moko_"...
the name came from the nicknames of my old friends IRL used to call me...
They said it was their way of calling me their good friend...
...
then they disappeared...
at that time i became alone, no one to talk to...
no one but my selves...
My 7 deadly sins took over...
i was myself one minute, then Lust then Gluttony then Hatred the next...
finally my Hatred Consumed me...
so i fled the real world... I  went to "Fiesta"...


there i met an archer named "momichi"...
she seemed troubled, so i helped her as "Moko"...
We became friends almost instantly...
The boy she liked, "Zandos", came and met up with her and myself... he and "lilly_baby" showed up...
we got introduced... Then "Angelord" showed up... i was a little nervous about him but he was ok...
then we talked & talked & talked... they all became my friends.....................................................
................................................
I had finally started to like people again

Sadness & Hatred

as my sadness deepens...

so too does my hatred of myself...

for i feel as though I've betrayed my Dearly Beloved friends...

One of Great Flying Angelic Deity...

The other of Great Aquarius Wings of Water...

While I as the Earth feel Great love for them but cannot be with them for i see that i am not to float among them for i have no wings to fly...  

The only way i may be with them is if My Angelic Deity bestows me the wings i need to live among them

The Great Sea beacons me to follow but i feel the sky distrusts me...
wishing i was truly not a burden...
Thus my Hatred towards Myself...


     for 
            Alex
                &
            Cory

Sadness of my Heart

My Heart wounded...

My mind troubled...

i wish for the happiness of my friends...

even if i must be cut out of their hearts...

severing  ties may be the only  the only way to fix this,

but i wish it not to be...

for i wish to laugh and be with those friends i hold dear...

for they have made me into someone better...

someone who cares, loves, breaths and truly lives for the ones i deeply want in my life...

although i hid myself as a girl...

i always spoke my heart to you guys

for
     DJ_Angelight
         (Cory)